ABOUT JESS

The official line: I am a sex counsellor & educator, with a Master’s Degree from the University of Salzburg, Austria. I have spent the past decade furthering my knowledge in sexual health and hold further diplomas from the Sexual Health Alliance in Denver, USA as well as the Betty Dodson Foundation in NYC, USA. I spend most of my time helping individuals, couples and workshop or event groups tap into their personal space of feeling connected. The goal? Unlocking their full potential by reaching sexual satisfaction.

Something I have learned for myself: if we are not ticking that box, then there might always be that little something in vein …

Now here is how this story begins

I believe that good sex starts with being honest. I also believe that sex will eventually get boring, if we don’t share what scares or excites us, what turns us on or tickles our fancy (especially when no one is watching) and what it is we want and need. While we are busy building the lives we want to live, we forget about intimacy and satisfaction and, before you know it, you might just stop having sex all together – that is exactly what happened to me many years ago.

My story was the story of many …

As a mother of three, I was overwhelmed, exhausted and constantly touched out, while at the same time not remembering the last time my partner had touched me. Like, really touched me. Honest confession number one was that we had no idea how to keep things hot and spicy in a long-term relationship. Honest confession number two was that I had lost myself … in life, in relationships, most certainly in motherhood. I knew that if I was not going to change course, sh*t was going to get real. The arguments, the built up resentment, the flinching if ever he did touch me were just some of the signs I picked up on. So I got down in the mud and figured some things out. Firstly, I learned everything there was to know about my orgasm (bless Betty Dodson). I dove into figuring out my own pleasure, looking shame and trauma in the eye, while exploring what more could be possible for me. It was a scary journey of self-discovery that did not yet promise to save my relationship. Once I knew how to give my body the ear, time and pleasure it deserved, I had to learn how to communicate my needs and how to make sure I got what I desired. I also had to learn what it means to truly be present in the moment, to indulge not only in receiving, but in giving pleasure too. Because here is honest confession number three: knowing what turns you on and what takes you over the finishing line is great, but it does not automatically translate to good sex.

I learned that a satisfying sex life is key to finding balance in my life. Unashamedly asking for what I want, not only in sex, but in this beautiful, one-shot-only life we get, changed everything for me. It changed how I see myself, how I connect, how I lead and how I dare to find joy in every damn moment that is given to me – inside the bedroom and out. To me, that is what makes life worth living.